Dear Lydia Polgreen:

I’m writing to express my support and admiration for your recent article in the New York Times, “Born This Way? Which Way?” (At least that’s what it was called when last I checked; the title seems to keep changing.) Anyway, based on the overwhelmingly negative comments to the article listed under “Readers Picks,” I thought you could use a little friendly support right about now!

Photo by Alex Perz on Unsplash

First of all, let me commend you on the clever way you use “gender” and “sex” interchangeably. We’ve all heard those tedious explanations before – that sex is rooted in biology and gender is about societal expectations – and I’m glad to see you haven’t fallen for that claptrap. Believe it or not, I actually read a biologist’s tendentious essay on the sex binary; as superficially persuasive as it might seem, he obviously writes from an empirical/scientific perspective steeped in white privilege. He may have both evidence and reason on his side, but those of us who know better must continue rejecting those tools of oppression. Sex and gender are both social constructs – obviously!

On a more personal note, I want to thank you for saying that “[w]e allow children to make irreversible decisions about their lives all the time,” and arguing that it’s impossible to prevent them from feeling regret about some of them. My spouse and I often have heated disagreements about what we should and should not allow our children to do, and in our next fight, I’ll be able to use your article in defense of my more liberal and permissive perspective!

I know people on the other side will say What about tattoos? What about alcohol? If we have laws protecting minors from choices and behavior that might be harmful, the argument goes, why do we allow them to pursue medical transition which may prevent them having sexual pleasure or bearing children later in life, blah blah blah. My response (and I was disappointed that you didn’t take this position in your article) is that all parental authority is oppressive, and we should therefore allow our children complete freedom to make choices for themselves.

Maybe one day my son will come to regret that permanent limp of his, but hey, who was I to stop him from jumping off the roof to test his theory that he was superman? Life, as you say, is full of regret. Heck, I regret all sorts of things from my past, like flunking out of high school, but I sure don’t blame my own folks for not forcing me to show up or get my assignments in on time. Those were my choices and I take full responsibility for them. Besides, education is way over-valued in our society.

Finally, let me say how much I admire your non-linear style of writing, the way you jump from one subject to another based on superficial similarities without bothering too much about the actual links between them. Logical argument is highly over-rated, in my view, and often makes my head hurt when backed up with too much “proof.” When I finished reading your article, with its profound meditation on the life/death binary, I just felt so good, even if I didn’t quite understand how it connected to rest of the article.

Bravo for a job well done! Or would you prefer Brava?

With gratitude,

A reader